1. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up.

2. Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL KILL YOU!!!!

5. It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early".

6. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my Xterra?

8. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

9. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

10. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

HAHA, Number 10 is by far the best!!!!

Those are great! :iconbiggrin:

lol!
I am sure your daughter is very popular with guys!

Thats pretty good!!!!!

I dated that guys daughter! twice! And survived! MC

Hahahahah.............that's great!

I dated that guys daughter! twice! And survived! MC
If you did, then you must have filled two of these out:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete
financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report,
(including drug tests), from your doctor.

1. NAME: _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH: ___________________

2. HEIGHT: _________ WEIGHT: __________ I.Q: _________ G.P.A._________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY #: __________________ BOY SCOUT RANK: _____________

4. DRIVERS LICENSE #: __________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS: _____________________ CITY/STATE: __________ ZIP: __________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _________________________________

If No, EXPLAIN: __________________________________________________ _____

7. Number of years your parents have been married: _____

8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? _______ A waterbed? _________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? _____________________________

__________________________________________________ __________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

__________________________________________________ __________________

__________________________________________________ __________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?______________________

__________________________________________________ __________________

12. Church you attend _________________ How often do you attend: _________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?
___________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential,
(That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is: _______________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ____________________

c) A woman's place is in the: ___________________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: _________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: __________________

(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head
low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF and when you grow up? _______________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED
HOT POKERS.

________________________________________
Signature (That means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six weeks for processing. You will be notified
in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any
communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If
your application is rejected, two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases will
notify you. (You might want to watch your back).

Do you still want to date my daughter?

_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house. . . .

bahaha you should be my dad

SO, Can I date your daughter? I own a Xterra.. :-)

I could never be the father of a girl....I say that now.....
Posted via Mobile Device

It is payback for all of my conquests when I was very young. :(

I am that man. I have been contemplating excavating a new soda lime pit in the back yard for a while...

I could never be the father of a girl....I say that now.....
Posted via Mobile Device

You say that now but in 20 years youre gonna be handing that list off to your daughters newest boyfriend!

I've got two daughters, 14 and 11, this will come in VERY handy!

Shawn
Posted via Mobile Device

"Running in a serpentine fashion is advised."

This is exactly why I am so glad that my 8 month old is a boy. The thing that scares me is that the wife wants another kid in a couple years or so and of course she wants a girl...I already warned her that I will be an evil father to any future boy friends...in fact I told her, I hope that if we have a girl she turns out to be a lesbian!

I could never be the father of a girl....I say that now.....
Posted via Mobile Device

Rook. you just screwed yourselfe....

Those were my words then the next year i had a daughter.....th3en two years later i had another one...

Then i saw this Application and put it on my fridge!!

Bringing a kid up in this world is a daunting thought..

I already warned her that I will be an evil father to any future boy friends...in fact I told her, I hope that if we have a girl she turns out to be a lesbian!

I'm pretty sure I told my wife the same exact thing!

Bringing a kid up in this world is a daunting thought..agreed ...

As a new father of a little girl. That was fun !

WOW ! 2006 and it's the first time I see this thread !

I could not stop laughing !!

Pretty good stuff.

I AM THE CAMO FACE IN THE WINDOW LMAO...

haha!!! wow thats awesome!!! as a 19yr old guy id have to say.... i would so take that as a challenge ;)

So, I probably shouldn't tell you about the cop's son that I dated in a small southern town when I was 16. He had a unique old Camaro; only one like it in town. The cops left us alone when we were parking. :-)

Bravo! That's fantastic. I pity the fool...

I have my twin 5 year old boys say ....." sure Mr. smith I'll have her home by 10 , no problem"

and they have a firm handshake and will look you dead in the eye. :):)

When they get to be 12 through 17 years old it usually only takes a few minutes :):)

I'm just sayin...............